Gateshead Birder Home Page

Gossip

by

Doctor Gadwall

Certain readers are happy that Britney has done a runner with the Radox Man.

Britney's Column

An unfit owl spotter & an unfit parrot description

19th April

I was walking with a very dear friend today as we took the bairn out for an afternoon stroll along the Derwent walk and onto Far Pasture today. It was a very pleasant day with couple of Kites over Gibside, 4 Swallows along Derwent Walk, a good scattering of Chiffchaffs especially around Far Pasture and a couple of Willow Warblers there too. Walking back up the steep road away from Far Pasture pushing a heavily laden buggy he had to stop for a breather (unfit or what?). A glance through the trees to the right and we saw an agitated Magpie hanging practically upside-down from a branch lungeing at something we couldn't quite make out until it turned its head in our direction. We couldn't believe our luck, the object of its agitation was a roosting Tawny Owl. At eye level and sitting in decent light (at 2.30 in the afternoon) about 10 yards in, it proved to be a best ever view of the species for my friend. He got his bins on it for a better look and as it didn't seem to be too bothered by the Magpies attention, reached for his camera, switched it on, took the lens cover off, put it up to his eye and ..... just in time to see the Owl fly off into the woods (why does this happen almost every time?). We tried to relocate it but to no avail. Never mind, not complaining, as I got a good view but just goes to show, if my friend wasn't so unfit we would have missed it. He now has a good excuse to get out for more exercise anyway, and a tick he never thought he would get on his 'birds seen with the bairn's list. Anyway a baby buggy is a great vehicle for storing your bins, scope, tripod, camera, water bottle, sketch book and even all 10 volumes of Birds of the Western Palearctic if you thought it necessary.

The Bishop needs to carry around something like the Handbook of the Birds of the World with him if todays phone call was anything to go by. He apparently phoned the Doctor saying "What does that parakeet at Rowlands Gill look like" "It's an Amazon Parrot, not a parakeet" Doctor Gadwall replied "Have you not seen the pictures?". "Yes, yes but does it look like the parakeet I've just seen?"."How should I know" said the Doc, "I haven't seen it". "Does the Rowlands Gill bird have yellow underneath", the Bishop asked. "No if course not" was the reply. "Well I've just seen another species and its not a Ring-necked parakeet either". "What did it look like", the Doctor asked. "Its green" he said "... Yes and ... and what, is that all, what about the yellow underneath?', the very patient Doctor then asked. "Oh yes its yellow underneath". "What about the rest of it?". "Oh its green all over apart from the yellow belly" said the Bishop. The Doctor told him it could not be the Rowlands Gill bird as apart from the yellow belly, it also has a orange-red patch on the wing. "This bird has red in the wing too" the Bishop excitedly cried. "I thought it was all green?" the Doctor then said. "It is!, apart from the yellow belly and red underwing" he said.

So if you find a rare bird, call the bishop, his description is bound to get the thing accepted.

Britney

Britney's Column

Dipping Ruddy Shelducks

w/e 8th April

Everybody dislikes dipping and I'm sure the Chairman of the Sunniside 400 Club must be really upset at the moment as I know he hates dipping more than most. I know he hates ducks at the best of times so I suspect he really hates Ruddy Shelduck. I don't know why, its only his 5th Ruddy Shelduck he's missed in Gateshead.
On 31st July 1994, the borough's only other record concerned a party of four juvenile/female type birds which visited Shibdon Pond. These birds may have been part of the feral population in Germany or they may have been involved in the influx of hundreds of "apparently wild" birds which occurred in north-west Europe at this time. Apparently two of the party were still present on the morning of 1st August but were gone later.

I know he will hate me telling the story but the Birtley Bishop still tells everyone he can so I can't see why I can't too. Anyway in 1994, there were no mobile phones and the pagers were in their infancy. To communicate with another birder you had to phone the pager service, state the unique number of the person you wanted the message to go to and then state your message. One of the local birders heard about them and dashed down and got them. He contacted the pager service and quoted The Chairman's number and told him to get down quick and see them. He never turned up. Later the Bishop was down and bumped into a birder from Scotland who had seen them. The Scottish birder said he had dashed down the A1 and got them. 'How did you hear about them?', the Bishop asked. 'It's weird' he said, 'someone paged me and told me to get down quick and see them'. The poor Chairman never did see them and it transpires that the paging company must have got a digit wrong when they sent the message. I can hear the sobbing of the Chairman and chuckles of the Bishop even now!

The poor man has also dipped on the Ruddy Shelduck there this week. He got down by 14:30 but too late. More sobbing and chuckling I suspect.

My new friend with the huge list succeeded in locating & ticking it off at 13:30 but an hour later it wasnt to be seen. Local dog walkers reported a sharp dressed man apparently shot-putting house bricks into the pond at 14:00. This would appear to be a case for investigation.........

So if you want to see a Ruddy Shelduck don't tell the Sunnside 400 Club, - they hate ducks.

Britney

Britney's Column

Want a seat in the hide, book now

w/e 20th March

I wanted to see if Spring was indeed on the horizon so did my usual route along the Derwent Walk and to Far Pasture then up to Thornley Hide to note any changes. The Derwent Walk for once showed more Rabbits than Grey Squirrels which was a good sign, and some early budding on trees was good to see, especially the Turd in a Bag trees which are blooming nicely in an array of whites, blues and purples containing their pungent brown fruits.
On to Far Pasture and plenty of songbird activity around the carpark was nice with good numbers of small birds, but then suddenly I realized I was in a minefield of frogs and had to play hopscotch to avoid stepping on them all the way up the path to the hide, where on opening the door was greeted by more people than are usually on the bus to the Metrocentre. I couldn't believe it! It was standing room only as they all sat around eating their carefully prepared packed lunches, comparing operations and what food plays havoc with false teeth stories.

The appearance of a Snipe caused quite a commotion as all the dear ladies charged to one side of the hide almost causing the hide to flip over. Many were disappointed as the Snipe flew out of sight and I tried to explain that there were three Snipe over the other side if they wanted to see them, but I was told "Yes, I think its going to rain later" so I left it. After half an hour I had almost succumbed to the intoxicating aroma of Werthers Old Originals so took my leave, half wanting to warn of the frogs on the path outside the hide but not really wanting another weather report so left it, regretting so immediately as I imagined my next visit would be greeted with the sight of a massacre of trampled amphibians, something akin to the final scene in the film Zulu. I did my bit by spending ten minutes or so placing the frogs at the side of the path but it was already too late for some on the road.

A walk along the River produced a lot more songbird activity through Paddock Hill Woods and then a sign on Thornley Hide door stating it was full of Schoolkids from 9 - 11am. That was it, I went home.

I never would have thought the commotion over the Leach's Guillemot would have had such an effect on the people involved but it certainly has. For example have you seen the Bishop lately, I bet you haven't. He says he is poorly (weekends only) and is not going out birding. He has not been the same since his confrontation at the Great Grey Shrike with Pueblo Hugelist. He's not running scared is he? Mr. Hugelist is no better. His year list is so low I thought it was Mr. McLay's life list. As for the Keeper of all things Whitburn, He was last seen wandering about with a brown paper bag over his head muttering repeatedly " I never said golden-winged songbird!".

Taking bookings for Easter

Britney

Britney's Column

PM scares the Kiddies

w/e 13th March

It was announced in the press as -
Red Kites Are Soaring Over Tyneside
"There is a rare chance to learn more about one of the UK's rarest and most spectacular birds when an expert on the Red Kite gives a talk in South Shields Town Hall. Red Kites have returned to the skies over North East England for the first time in more than 150 years. They can now been seen soaring in the skies above Gateshead, following their release into the wild at a secret site in July 2004. These rare birds of prey have been returned to the area after decades of absence, thanks to a scheme managed by the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds and English Nature. A manager of the Northern Kites Project, will be giving a fascinating talk all about the project on Wednesday 2nd March at South Shields Town Hall, Westoe Road. The talk starts at 7pm. Admission is free and there is no need to book. Children under the age of 16 must be accompanied by an adult".

A fascinating talk by the PM, how could I miss it? So off I went out of the borough to hear what the Great Man had to say. I fully expected the clean shaven McClay man to be there (well it said it was free and I've never known him to turn down anything for nothing) but no-one from Gateshead was there apart from the PM himself. I wondered why no children under 16 were to be admitted as I thought this was the ideal opportunity for him to be photographed kissing babies and the like. I soon found out why.
The expert was soon in full flow showing off his expertise and leaping and dancing at the change of every picture on the screen, his voice booming like a randy Bittern. I have never seen so many people scared in all my life. "He's very passionate about them " stuttered a little old lady sitting near to me, above the crying of the little children whose parents had thought it was going to be safe. The PM's bulging eyes glared at his public as he told them about how sucessful the project was going to be. There was no way anyone was going to argue! The best bit was left to last as he said like all good politicans 'Go now and prepare for Red Kites' - Like the lady said - What a passionate man.

I heard a story the other day which the teller insists is true ' "Five years ago a kind Gateshead person rescued a young barn owl which had been hit by a car.
It was nursed it back to health & it now lives in a shed at the bottom of the garden......... The fascinating thing is the bird is living as wild........ the shed is open at all times it goes out hunting at night but always comes back. The bird receives no additional feeding or interference, only a general check to see if its still there. This is in a central & built up area of the Borough........maks ya think (sorry makes).

The latest news from the Dodgy Bird Club is that the the piles of cobwebs have been dusted off and work is beginning on the ... wait for it...... 2004 Annual County Report !!! God knows where the other x years of annual reports are, this will probably go with them. I was then told "On a serious note, work will soon be starting on the 2004 Report, any willing authors are encouraged to come forward to help, contact the PM (KB) asap.". Does this mean the absence of previous reports has not been taken seriously

From the borough of passionate men

Britney

Britney's Column

Can you really suppress Frog-spawn?

w/e 6th March

Most of this week has been spent lending a shoulder to cry on to a very close friend as he has personal family problems. Unlike the Doctor I am not bound by an oath and indeed feel it is my duty to tell the rest of you.

Is there no pit deeper nor more cruel to the dedicated birder than the pit of suppression? In an outrageous breaking of birders code, the Panurus biarmicus of a certain small village that previously only had one gay living in it, shamelessly suppressed initial sightings of lesser spotted woodpecker and first laying of frogspawn. Neglecting to inform other dedicated birders even within his own family. The distress this has caused led my good friend wanting to talk about the pains of dipping and possibly even losing his grip on the Merganser Trophy. I would not be surprised if my White Knight takes once again to his sickbed in the wake of this humiliating discovery of family/birders code betrayal.
I have told him he can take solace in the bond he shares with myself as long as his wife does not find out and of course his close friends cigarettes and alcohol.

On a more cheerful subject, Spring is nearly here and it is so good to see that a certain warden has cast off his winter plumage. Newly resident to a small village, he is as yet blissfully unaware of the concern and distress said winter plumage caused the very old/young/weak of heart. However, local opinion amongst villagers seems to be that the 'bearded weirdy' was resident for only a short time and replaced by, in the words of an elderly lady, 'that bonny clean-shaven young man with the lovely smile'. Bored housewives/ elderly ladies/ small children/ 'only gay in the village' are all delighted with the summer plumage newcomer, although concern has been expressed about the recklesness of driving through the crowded narrow streets. Although interest and speculation of the newcomer is rife, a certain large warden remains confident in his premier position of housewives/ elderly ladies/ 'only gay...' choice. Skidmarks have been noted and measured and details forwarded to the Village hall Committee.
As a disturbing addition, Wylam residents have noted the recent addition of an extremely inebriated man into their pubs late at night. This man causes
no threat to the public, although there are fears for his homeward journey
along the river.

There has been much excitement over the Green-winged Teal found by the old pensioners of the Sunnside 400 Club. Another Shibdon rarity (No don't be silly - not a warden) was there when I went to see the bird - the "Never twitched anything in my life" friendly/big smiley PM himself. Apparentlly he had got lost on his way to pick up a prescription and added his 200th Gateshead Bird .... surely a mammoth achievement? He looked suitably unimpressed with the Teal....... if only his 200th could have been a real bird like, say a Black Kite or 2?

Lots of Luv as always

Britney

Britney's Column

Announcements

w/e 27th February

I am frequently asked by my many fans (Sorry Doctor), to put the odd announcement in my column. Normally I refuse but as it was the from some Solictors and it had nothing to do with my good friend Joseph Donkeyson of Wallsend aka The Radox Man (for a change) ... I have decided to allow it this week. So here goes.

I have been asked me to point out that Andy "Mad Max" McLay has denied suggestions that he is to take up stock car racing following his recent demolition of a little old ladie's car with his big yellow bus. This followed his previous collison with a bridge that had sparked rumours of interest from Ferrari & McLaren racing teams, with sponsorship from various Pizza establishments and Scottish Banks. However Mad Max says he could fancy a go at truck racing, though hopefully not through the streets of Sunniside . The local constabulary have been informed & following concerns from residents and the Sunniside 400 Club have agreed to increase patrols in the area.

On the subject of announcements, the management of Clara Vale LNR extend their sincere apologies to the Birtley Bishop regarding the access difficulties he experienced on his recent biannual visit. The kissing gates have since been enlarged.

The Doctor has been telling me there had been considerable interest in the 2005 predictions and I reckon birders like playing games. I know The Radox Man and I do. So how about a new challenge - The winner is the first to spot a warden at Shibdon this year. I know its now March but I'm sure there's still plenty time to enter.

Now where is that !"£!"£$ Country Ranger

Britney

Britney's Column

More trouble for the Keeper

w/e 20th February

Poor Keeper of all things Whitburn. He must hate February as much as the Doctor.
To make a few bob now he writes the odd wildlife story for the newspapers, not classy stuff like I write mind you. Anyway his latest contribution seems to have had a few changes done to it between sending it and it appearing in print. The poor Keeper has subsequently spend most of this week telling everyone it had nothing to do with him. The poor man is the subject of comment on birder websites as far afield as Australia. I quote, hopefully more accurately, but spelling corrected.
"As some of you may be aware that a story: Out of hiding: How Britain has become a nation of twitchers by Brian Unwin and Helen McCormack (arising from a market research finding that there are now 2.85 million UK people aged 15 or over who go bird-watching regularly or occasionally) was spread across two pages of The Independent newspaper on Monday. It was riddled with inaccuracies and totally crass statements about birds and birding and many believe that I, as the lead name in the byline, was responsible for this.
This is not so. I supplied about 600 words at the request of the news desk and while not everyone will agree with every point made in it, the contents were fact-based and generally presented a realistic summary of the birding scene. However, most of what I wrote was ditched and in the end my contribution made up only about ten per cent of the published story. The other 90 per cent was clearly the work of someone who knows nothing about birds and birders and this is where all the errors occurred.
They include such ghastly gems as:
****************************************
INTRO: "Equipped only with a set of binoculars and a kagool and ready to spend long hours waiting in all weathers for a precious glimpse of a rare bullfinch or barn owl, Britain's bird-watchers had long been presumed to be loveres of a minority sport."
(Keeper's comments: No one would spend "long hours" waiting for what would be an everyday, not "precious" view of a bullfinch - which is not rare. Barn owl is a bit harder because of its nocturnal habits but the last one I saw floated past within minutes of my arrival on site. If it was felt necessary to include a rare finch and a rare owl in the intro, the obvious candidates would have been pine grosbeak and scops owl, only a few of which have been recorded in Britain and twitchers have indeed put in a lot of time trying to see them. )
THIRD PARAGRAPH (first sentence): "Dedicated twitchers of the Bill Oddie variety, those prepared to travel thousands of miles for a sighting of a rare Siberian waxwing may remain in a league of their own."
(Keeper's comments: "Dedicated twitchers of the Bill Oddie variety, those prepared to travel thousands of miles for a sighting of a rare Siberian waxwing ....." Bill regularly stresses in his progs that he is not a twitcher (ie someone regularly travelling all over the country to see rarities). I know that and he knows that I know that so for something of that nature to appear under my name must make him think I've gone into mental decline. Also there's no such thing as the "rare Siberian waxwing." The full name of the waxwings seen regularly in Britain and which do nest in Siberia is Bohemian waxwing. They are not rare - there are thousands spread around the UK currently, hundreds of them within 20 miles of the centre of London. What was rare was the cedar waxwing from North America (only the second for Britain) that attracted many birders, including former Chancellor Ken Clarke, when it turned up at Nottingham in 1996. However Nottingham isn't thousands of miles from anywhere in Britain.)
SEVENTH PARAGRAPH: To show how birding is growing the changed story claims that the The Ogston Bird Club has built up its membership to 12,000 in two years".
(Keeper's comments: "The Ogston Bird Club DOES NOT have 12,000 members as the story claims. I checked the club website this morning and one of the first bits of info on the home page is that it has 700+ members, which is pretty impressive compared with most clubs around the country but well short of 12,000. I can only think whoever wrote this has got mixed up with the West Midlands Bird Club which I believe does have thousands of members.
EIGHTH PARAGRAPH: My original story referred to Britain's first ever golden-winged warbler which appeared in Kent in 1989. In the published version its name has been changed to golden-winged songbird"
(Keeper's comments: "In the copy I filed I did refer to Britain's first golden-winged warbler from North America in Kent in 1989. Whoever got stuck into the story inexplicably changed its name to golden-winged songbird, which is just silly - I can't understand what possible benefit was seen in doing that.
TWITCHER'S KIT sidebar
* Most reserves have "hides", huts for viewing birds, making a foldaway chair an optional extra.
(Keeper's comments: "No serious bird-watcher would be seen dead in possession of a foldaway chair and the explanation that "hides" are huts for viewing birds was totally patronising.
TOP FIVE VENUES:
Scilly Isles: Puffins and shearwaters mingle with waders and the occasional birds of prey overhead
Loch Garton (sic), Scotland
Attracts hordes of visitors for the large numbers of ospreys on the island.
(Keeper's comments: the other three aren't so bad)
*******************************************
I had absolutely nothing to do with the creation of the above. Had someone contacted me I could have supplied extra information, or at least given advice, that could have prevented the likes of the above from getting into print. Sadly, there was no consultation and the resulting published story is now an international joke. What was appeared under my name makes me look ridiculous in the eyes of my fellow bird-watchers who expect accuracy from me.

So, don't believe what you read in the papers, trust these wonderful pages instead. And I expect it will not end here. I understand the Sunniside 400 Club is particularly upset and may sue about the comment "No serious bird-watcher would be seen dead in possession of a foldaway chair" as they regard this a serious piece of equipment for birding on a Sunday morning.

I'm away to get my trolley out of the pond.

Britney

Britney's Column

Starlings or Waxwings?

w/e 13th February

A birding friend of mine was giving me a lift home and even though I was not in Gateshead I'm still on the look-out for birds. Driving up a street on a housing estate I say to him "That looks like some Waxwings in those trees". "No" he says "They are just Starlings" he replies. "I know I'm only a girlie but I'm sure they are Waxwings can we turn around?". "Oh all right" and we turn round and drive past again "See they are Starlings" he says. "No, they are Waxwings, stop the car" I say. "I can't" he says but I manage to persuade him to turn around again. We stop and watched the 20 Waxwings as they fed and called in the trees.

I was telling the Doctor the story and he reminds me about the story on these pages from last year which is repeated below

Doctor Gadwall overheard the following conversation between two of the local birders at the weekend, as their car screeched to a halt at Ebchester, just over the borough boundary.

Birder 1 ........ Did you see them birds in the tree?

Birder 2 ........ Yes they were Starlings

Birder 1 ........ Are you sure they were Starlings?

Birder 2 .........Definitely!

Birder 1 (gets out the car and checks them anyway) ........ They are 40 Waxwings.

Birder 2 ......... I thought they weren't Starlings!

The Doctor asked me who my friend was and I told him but asked not to repeat it and embarrass him. "Who was the birder at Ebchester?" I asked. "You're not going to believe this" he said - "It's the same person!".

Its a strange World

Britney

Britney's Column

Is it suppression or just I am not going to tell you?

w/e 6th February

A funny week with lots of rumours and suppression, I'm not sure what's going on but I'll not suppress and tell you what I've heard.

It started with a birder moving house to within touching distance of another birder this week. Why was it all kept quiet and why do they still want to keep it under wraps? I did overhear one of the birders when I was there during the week shout 'It's not fair, I'm the only Gay in the village'.

I have also heard from another birder (thanks Doctor), who was told by the PM that a second Red Kite has died, this one in care. He also said that he had a White Stork over Far Pasture on the 15th January. What's up with this suppression lark?, No, Sunniside 400 Club, you can NOT count Suppression Lark.

Even the Birtley Bishop is getting in on the act. At the same site when a Green Woodpecker called he said very casually "Oh Yes, I heard it earlier". "Why did you suppress it then? " he was asked only to reply, "I didn't suppress it, I only did not tell you". So there you are PM, there's no need to suppress, just carry on not telling anyone. The Bishop is also saying he heard some strange sounds very early one morning near his house which sounded like an Eagle Owl. The sooner Asda stop selling cheap crates of Stella Lager the better is all I can say.

Still quiet on the Dodgy Bird Club front but with some members even bothering to take an interest. One sent the Doctor an e:mail saying "The keeper of all things Whitburn' better not go too close to the cliff edge ..... as he may well fall....................... due to the fact that he appears to have completely lost his sense of perspective.... " Another said after the Dark Recorder's comments 'This is the first thing the Dark Recorder has ever told anyone anything.

I'm off now but I'm not telling you where.

Britney

Britney's Column

It's so quiet

w/e 31st Jan

Spent another quiet afternoon with no food out again at Thornley Bird Starving Station and just the usual suspects at Far Pasture Maintenance-free Reserve. Walking along the Derwent Walk I got to my lucky Kite spot from last year (oh the memories of me and the Birtley Bishop) and scanned the area above Gibside. This was out of habit, knowing fine well they aren't there any more. What a surprise then, when one of the 'Pheasants' in the sheep field above Gibside took off revealing itself to be none other than a Red Kite. Then another, and another until soon eleven of the beauties were soaring around like they'd never been away. Marvellous sight in the sunshine even at distance. Certainly brightened my day up. Watched them for about half an hour (approx 3pm) then a little while later saw four pass over presumably on route to Barlow at 4.10pm.

This has been the highlight of my week. I did see the Great Grey Shrike again and even though the Bishop was on site, there was no sign of Pablo Hugelist. So no chance of the big fight I'm hoping for. And no more juicy Dodgy Bird Club Scandal either. Now what am I going to write about?

Away to clean up my act

Britney

Doctor

I've finished

w/e 24th Jan

Honest

Sorry I'm late, it's just I'm busy, I'm in love with Radox Man. I have never known anyone so clean, its as if he has never got his hands dirty.

Got more email sent to me anonymously from an admirer and member of the Sunniside 400 Club, which saw the big boys from the Dodgy Bird Club scrapping it out over the Internet. The Dark Recorder versus the Keeper of all things Whitburn looked like its was going to get real dirty with lots of verbal insults. Its was great, dead manly stuff. All of a sudden it's no longer just about the Leach's Guillemot, it's also about late Wood Warblers, whose to blame for the state of the Dodgy Bird Club and who's not been writing in my little log book. Now its personal. But then it went all quiet. Though murder cannot be ruled out, my money is on that they have just stopped talking before the real skeletons are unearthed. Now if only I could tell those stories, it wouldn't be on these pages, it would make the Nationals (Birding World).

Byeeeeee

Britney

Dodgy Bird Club happenings

w/e 17th Jan

It’s been a busy and profitable week helping my dear friend Mr. Donkeyson from Wallsend with his delivery rounds. At this rate I’ll be able to afford to get a bigger pair, probably 10x40s. Its also been an eventful week for the Dodgy Bird Club with more politics than a Red Kite warden interview.

Anyway, the gossip is all about ..[Names changed to protect the ~~guilty~~ innocent.. The Doctor]. Well, last autumn, on a windless day, Pablo Hugelist was sea-watching when he was joined in the Brick Hut by the Birtley Bishop. A while later, Pablo shouted he had a Leach's Petrel, close inshore. The Bishop could not see the bird and when it was pointed out he said he thought it was just an aberrant Guillemot. Hugelist was sure it was a Leach's and was not to be persuaded otherwise. He promptly wrote it in the log.
Later, the Keeper of all things Whitburn, read the log and was very surprised that a Leach's was claimed in those weather conditions and launched an enquiry. The Bishop was intensely interrogated and the result was that the Keeper crossed the record out from the log. Pablo Hugelist was not a happy bunny at all and a word or two was exchanged. They promptly fell out and the Keeper was told he will never see another Hugelist record.
Months later, I was at the Hurworth Burn Great Grey Shrike, and saw the Bishop and Pablo face each other. It was so exciting at first but ended as handbags at 40 paces, instead of my hoped-for World Heavyweight fight. Meanwhile, the Keeper of all things Whitburn, was writing up the seabird section for the Dodgy Bird Club report and omitted the Leach's Petrel. A note was attached for the publisher's attention saying the record had to stay out else he would resign.
In the dark corridors of power the Dark Recorder was told what had been said. The publisher was told by the Dark Recorder that Mr. Hugelist was a good lad and the record had to appear. And by the way what does a Leach's look like?
The result - resignations all round at the Dodgy Bird Club, the Bishop and Pablo gearing up for a rematch and an annual report that when it appears will be reviewed on the Antiques Roadshow.
So what's next – I'm fully expecting the Bishop to change his mind and say he didn't think it a Guillemot and it was definitely a Leachs after all.

See you next week

Britney xxx

Brit's Back

w/e 10th Jan

Hello readers. Sorry about me being missing for a few weeks but I met a nice clean birder from Wallsend and .... well thats another story I'll not be telling.

Rehersals continued at Shibdon for the "Pin the Tail on the donkey" Panto but regrettably without an audience. Everybody was given their role & like little children told to be very quiet so as not to frighten the horses. All was going well until one of the little helpers, presumably Dopey, decided in an unusal show of initiative to play the part of John Wayne and make as much noise as possible as the horses neared the corral. As the horses scatted to all parts the new reserve manager became decidedly unhappy and decided to leave the show with immediate effect. Goodness knows what the Lone Ranger and Tonto would have made of the show but their expertise would have been much appreciated at the rehersals which were immediately suspended.

As with all Pantos there is a happy ending to the story, the owners of the horses decided to sack the cast and rounded up the horses themselves.

I'm away now for a nice bath.

Love

Britney

Where is Britney's review?

w/e 19th Dec

Britney attended the Pantomime at Shibdon Pond entitled 'Three Wardens and a Donkey' however she has not been heard of since. If you do see her, please tell her that her column is LATE! (a bit like the rounding up of the Exmoor ponies).

Doctor Gadwall

Britney will be the Belle of the Ball

w/e 12th Dec

Oh, the power of these wonderful pages. Guess what came through my letterbox this week - Yes, my ticket to the Red Kite Party. I shall go to the ball after all, as a Cinderella to PM's Prince Charming but with wellies instead of glass slippers. It will be nice to tell him how to identify a Kite if it does not have a radio transmitter attached to it.
This has been a much better week than last, not only because of my invite but because I went over to Whitley Bay and got lovely views of the Rough-legged Buzzard that has been there for the past 3 weeks. Rarer still, probably, was the awesome sight of Joseph Donkeyson of Wallsend. This mega birder and star of various bath commercials was there cleaning up for the year. There was an all star turn-out for the bird with the Black Bishop also being present. It was amusing to see he had not lost his touch, for as we were all watching the bird he decided to phone up and tell a poor warden he had just gripped him off. Meanwhile the bird took off giving crippling views to all concerned except the Bishop who was too busy gloating and chuckling down the phone to notice. I have referred a certain Gateshead Birder to Mr "Pizza" McLay, the Cash Collector and Botany expert, as I was constantly bothered by him pointing to various plants asking if that was Mistletoe. I mean, he was grabbing at Snowberry, Ivy, Hawthorn and even a beech tree and enquiring with puckered lips "is that Viscum album?". I was glad to get back to Gateshead and clean my 8 x 30s.

The Rough-legged Buzzard at Whitley Bay, note the lack of Mistletoe

Lots of love

Britney

Britney's news of the Week

w/e 5th Dec

It's only my second week writing this column and oops, I nearly didn't do it again. All I can say is that, it is a good job that writing for the internet does not show my tear stains like writing paper does. Why, you may ask is poor Britney reduced to tears? I've been waiting all week for my invitation to the PM's Red Kite party, especially when I heard that there was going to be two, one for VIPs at 3pm followed by the common folk two hours later. I thought I must be invited to the first and splashed out on a brand new dress and cookie jar and awaited for my invitation. When it failed to arrive I phoned Doctor Gadwall to find out if he had received his yet, only to be told that he was not invited either. Shocked, I phoned the PM's office to speak to the man himself but was told he was out looking for big-wigs. Maybe he keeps the invites as quiet as the whereabouts of the Kites I thought. Trying to find out more I told the man in the office I had just seen some Red Kites and wanted to know where I could find out more. "You can always phone this office" he said. "Do you have a web site?" I asked innocently. "Err, no" he replied, "err not yet, err don't know when". "Is there not a web site with this information on then", I said. "Err yes, Gateshead Birds or something, though apparently it's rather frivolous". Frivolous, is that what the PM thinks, no wonder I didn't get an invite.
The Doctor was not surprised and only smiled when I told him. "Frivolous is it?" he said, "Very strange, because I heard that news of the Kites on these very web pages, supplied by our very own correspondents, are quoted by the PM himself. That man should be in politics or if not the Secret Service".
So maybe the PM is aiming for bigger things than Red Kite, maybe eventually another PM job title.

Bye for now

Love Britney

Britney's news of the Week

The latest "Gateshead Countryside Volunteers Newsletter - Winter 2004" has as its front page scoop "TEAM CHANGES- who's who, where & why?" . Perhaps the most revealing comment is that "Wardens will in future be called rangers" & "TWC will no longer be a base for rangers - it will remain a base for Trevor Weston, John Hemstock & Sara Green" . Does this mean Trevor is the Lone Ranger, John is Tonto & forgive me but I thought Sarah Green was still in Blue Peter.
Perhaps the main reason for the moves lie hidden in the "Around The Sites" section of the newsletter where Derwent Walk Country Park has the following health warning for trees "we will be continuing with rotational felling & there will be some continued thinning operations" - The mature woodlands can soon be restored to ancient grassland.
Watergate Park's review reveals that there has been a competition to suggest words that remind you of the site & best describe it, these words are to be carved in stone & placed around the site - it appears a suggestion of "plastic bags hanging from fences full of "%£$£" (edited) by lazy dog owners" has not won the competition.

Thats all for this week

Love Britney

Coming soon .... The ultimate identification article on the field seperation of dead Mallard, Moorhen and Wood Pigeon chicks. Some observers should find this very useful indeed after their performance at Shibdon on 12th. To think, these are the same people who are claiming Hobby !

The Aftermath!

The Doctor has some news that may amaze or astound-
In an unprecedented and barely provoked act of generosity, on Friday morning Andy McLay reached into his notoriously deep pockets and surfaced with two pounds with which he purchased raffle tickets (proceeds going towards prematurely born babies), from the shocked wife of a large senior warden. He explained that he was in benevelent mood after being bought numerous pints by others the evening before at SW's leaving do. As he gave his explanation he patted his wallet to make sure it was still there. As money changed hands there was the rare, faint but audible squeak from Mclays throat, which I believe always occurs at the point of transaction.

If this is really the reason for generosity, expect large amounts of money to be donated to various worthwhile causes by a large warden in the near future. On the subject of large wardens, apologies to anyone who has sent in news to the Doctor only to find that his mailbox is full. This is due to the large amount of fanmail currently being sent to the "King of Point".

To quote one female fan "The pictures of a certain large warden are particularly admired by myself and other female friends. What do you think of featuring him or other birders in poses in the vein of the WI calendar?- i.e. large warden unclothed, but modesty protected by cunning arrangement of , say, a pair of Leica bins."

This is getting worrying!

Stephen Westerberg's Leaving Do

Many wardens, ex-wardens, volunteers, ex-volunteers, birders and an ex-birder (Fred Milton) paid tribute to the Bearded Wonder at his leaving do at Winlaton Mill on 15th July. Steve was presented with a painting of a Dipper and a digital camera before he headed off to Geltsdale. With Steve leaving and the shocking news that the hut was going, it could have been a sombre affair. But everybody seemed to enjoy themselves.

Gossip-wise there was very little heard. Maybe they were were just keeping tight-lipped around the Old Doctor but even after several shandies there was no scandal to be heard. DG had to content himself with counting how many pints a large warden can scrounge in one evening and was so engrossed with this skill that he missed the event of the night, (No, not the GrandMasters speech) but the annual opening of the McLay wallet. And apparently it looks like a Girl's purse. Never mind, the skill of the large warden "meeting people" and coming away with a pint every time was a marvel to watch and obviously this warden is multi-skilled as his demonstration of advanced pointing later proved.

The décor of the room was early seventies style and it was interesting to learn that it was last decorated the same year a Birtley Birder got engaged. The Red Kite PM did not look very happy most of the night, probably because news has sneaked out to birders that Red Kites have been released. However it was nice to see that huge grin that came on his face every time someone shouted out "is that a television camera"?
The doctor was very disappointed with his photographer who ran out of power by 8pm. The poor man is obviously feeling his vast amount of years and it was sad to see such a decline in him since Sunday.

Question ... What was the surname of the person who reported a Pollinger's Falcon on his way to the do?

The night was a big success and we all wish Steve the very best in his new job, he will be missed.

Oops ... I Did it again

by Britney Barndoors

Age code 4

Last year I went birding with my Uncle Stephen and he showed me how to ring birds. He said I was very good and he let me ring some all by myself. That was a little bit naughty of Uncle Stephen because he should have checked what I was doing but he did say I was dead good at identifying birds. I caught a Willow Warbler and put a ring on its leg. Because I am good at identifying birds I knew it was a Willow Warbler straight away, so I did not have to look at the wing formula, or the wing length, or the structure or the leg colour.

My Willow Warbler has been caught again this year and it is a Chiffchaff. Oops.

It wasn't my Fault

by Britney Barndoors

My Uncle Brian said that we could go and catch some Sand Martins coz he had found about a hundred really low nest holes & loads & loads & loads of birds everywhere. So Uncle Stephen rang his ringing mates & I rang mine & we went to catch loads & loads & loads of Sand Martins. So we found the nest holes, a bit higher than we thought, and waited & waited & waited for the parent martins to bring dinner for their babies. After about 2 hours we realised that we wouldn't catch any Sand Martins so went home without setting our nets up..

I wish I was all grown up.

Press Release

contributed by

our female football correspondent

The RSPB is delighted to announce the appointment of Mr Stephen Westerberg as our new farmland reserve manager. The news has been well received by the local bird population with many species of raptor performing hithertoo unknown ariel acrobatics amid much bill clapping, some were even said to be grinning like Andy McLay on payday. An RSPB spokesman commented " With this appointment it seems highly probable that Hen Harrier will return to breed as unprecedented numbers have been sighted since the appointment was confirmed. We think the recolonisation will occur rapidly & at a fraction of the cost of the Red Kite reintoduction. It is also expected that the Red Kites introduced to Steve at the "secret location in the Derwent Valley" will want to relocate to Geltsdale & are expected to head West upon their release. It is apparent that many species are excited by this news as there has been an influx of previously declining species into the area in the past week, record numbers of Lapwing, Golden Plover, Black Grouse, Merlin, Buzzard, Spotted & Pied Flycatcher have been noted with several local rarities (Arctic Tern accompanied by Guillemot).
In addition to the avian populations delight our new warden has endeared himself to the local population by vowing to fight Tesco's plan to build a "superstore" on Geltsdale Moor, with his appointment & the undoubted huge increase in bird populations Tesco are now expected to withdraw their planning application.
STOP PRESS - RSPB SUBMIT PLANNING APPLICATION FOR DUAL CARRIAGEWAY THROUGH GELTSDALE TO MEET DEMAND OF EXPECTED INCREASE IN VISITOR NUMBERS

News from the Hut

One of the Doctor's correspondents has been out in the field and comments "In anticipation of a change of warden at Far Pasture litter & numerous cigarette butts have appeared while the birds have disappeared and the trees are nervously awaiting the arrival of chainsaws". What could he mean?

Finally - a certain warden returned from sun drenched Morecambe with a superb tan ("its cheaper than a sun bed y'know going to Morecambe"), soon had the colour drained from his face upon learning that another bearded warden was about to leave. Why? could it possibly be the thought of having to contribute to the hut proprietors leaving present?

Common Seal problems

The Doctor never realised the amount of trouble one Common Seal could cause.

In his haste to be first with the news he inadvertently got his cut and paste fingers mixed up and said the big lump of blubber was at Lintzford instead of Stella. Correspondence poured in asking where the Seal was on the Derwent, indeed was it on the river or in the woods. Was it going to be a threat to the local Otter population and was it really a Seal at all. One wag has commented on it being one of our local birders and the Doctor should put out a warning in case he chases the real Seal and any passing children.

Oh dear, it is a Common Seal and it is at Stella.

Apprentice birder grinning

If you see an apprentice birder smiling and grinning continuously at the moment do not worry, nothing has changed. He has certainly not found anything or even seen anything (at least in the rare bird area) as far as the Doctor knows. The reason for the smug look on the face of this normally dour apprentice has been somewhat a mystery, but the Doctor has left no stone unturned in investigating this very unusual behaviour. It may be just a coincidence but he has discovered that it may have something to do with the fact that Apprentice Birder is assisting in the managing of an under 19 ladies football team.

Westfield Iccy

A possible Icterine Warbler was heard singing at Westfield Pasture on the 7th June but unfortunately it could not be re-found. A birder from Birtley has jokingly scoffed the record saying "Inland Icterine warbler - ridiculous, it was probably a funny Chiffchaff." The Doctor will not comment on the record but would just like to mention that this same Birtley Birder did claim (and count!) a singing Icterine Warbler at Shibdon Pond many years ago.

An e:mail arrived for the Doctor from an ancient Sunniside Birder who says he may be one of the top 100 birders in the Sunniside area (unconfirmed). He sent in a photograph which is on the insects page and says "Here is moth pic. Do you agree with id?". Though the Doctor is no expert, he certainly agrees with the identification, it is a moth! In fact it is a Common Marbled Carpet but he is impressed with the skills of this corespondent and who knows, he may soon be claiming he saw a bird too!

***** HOT NEWS *****

The Doctor has heard that the Gateshead Countryside Wardens are all going to be playing games soon. Actually only one game, musical sites. Will pointing now be done at Washingwell? will Ryton Willows get a new secret hut? and will Shibdon become famous for it thick undisturbed vegetation? Watch this space ....

Why don't we all play a game and match the site with the warden? e:mail the Doctor with who you think should look after where and why and we will pass the suggestions on to Bungle.

Sexing Wildfowl

"Is Dr Gadwall a duck or a drake - speculation has mounted that Dr G is a duck incubating eggs, quite a record for Gateshead". This was a note left for the Doctor by an apprentice at this bird watching game. Just because this page has been a little quiet recently does not been the Doctor has been sitting about. Sexing wildfowl can be difficult and should not be attempted by beginners. With practice, the Doctor hopes the sender of the e:mail will improve and soon be able to sex a duck without grabbing it by it's legs first.

Record Assessment

It is understood the the compiler of the Guiness Book of records has been in contact and is assessing records for the world's longest engagement. A favourite for the 2005 entry may be a birder who has yet to see a Grey Phalarope.

Gateshead Birders